birthday reflections

Today is my youngest daughters 20th birthday. No more teens in my family. All my babies are twenty something adults. At the dawn of this day, it gives me pause. I think of the past years and the importance of giving a good foundation so that their adult years are productive and content. A mom entering and dwelling in her adult children's lives can be a tenuous thing. You need to respect their established world. You need to find the delicate balance of helping and intruding. You want to do the 'mother' thing, but not overstepping the boundaries that their adult world has delineated. I fear being a butt in kinda of mother, but I'm used to showing that I care by doing. A wise mom will learn the best way to retool. Mostly,I think being confident in the new role that I'm in, that of being a woman comfortable in her own skin, keeps the shift seamless. Feeling accomplished with the mother I've been for the
years that i've been blessed for the caretaking of my little brood, makes this transition much more peaceful. Few regrets. Few thoughts of do overs. Many wonderful memories. I think this is key to what could be a very treacherous territory. Some moms will try to play catch up on the things that perhaps they would have done differently. Some want to be the cuddly hands on mom when the last thing a fledgling adult wants, is mommy hanging around too much. Too many ill timed phone calls; too many intrusive questions, can cause irritations that can form chasms. Hands off, firmly planted in your pockets, is the best approach. The hands are in the pockets, ready to pop out quickly though, when it is requested. Only when it's requested. There is something about being asked to help rather than being told to back off, that reassures the parameters of the new adult/adult/mom child relationship.
Entering the stage of mothering adults, brings on a sense of accomplishment, a sense of awe and a sense of completion. From here on out, they will be in charge of orchestrating their lives with me being an observer. Soon, the tide could shift, and they will be caring for me, and retooling begins anew.
But for now, I will pleasantly observe and enjoy this stage.
It is good.